Sexuality and relationships deserve a space free from judgment and full of curiosity. Whether you’re navigating LGBTQ identity, exploring non-monogamy, or reclaiming your relationship with your body, sex-positive therapy offers a compassionate space to discover what’s true for you. Let’s celebrate the fullness of who you are, together.
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I’ve always resented that “perfectionism” seems to be a dirty word, when it seems to be the quality that makes so many people exactly who they are. Many of the people I work with (myself included) are individuals who inherently enjoy the process of making things better. Perfectionism is a double edged sword. A blessing and a curse. The quality that makes you the best gift-giver in your family is also the quality that keeps you up at night, obsessing about your performance review at work. While it drives you to excel, it also leads you down a rabbit hole of stress and self-doubt. The challenge for perfectionists is not to stop being perfectionistic. Rather, it is to learn how to direct your desire for perfection away from being attached to a fixed end result, and instead focusing on the joy of the process.
Focus on the Process: Often, our desire for perfection is tied to a fixed end result. We envision a perfect outcome, and anything short of that feels like a failure. Focus your your desire for perfection towards finding joy in the process itself, rather than fixating solely on the destination. This shift in perspective can lead to a more fulfilling and less stressful life, where perfection is no longer the goal, but rather a byproduct of a life well-lived.
Embrace Imperfection: It is crucial to understand that perfection is an illusion. Life is messy, unpredictable, and beautifully imperfect. Embracing imperfection doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity; it means acknowledging our humanity and giving ourselves the grace to make mistakes. Remember, even the most successful people have had their fair share of failures. What matters is how we learn and grow from those experiences.
Set Realistic Goals: Setting sky-high expectations can set us up for disappointment. Instead, break your goals into smaller, achievable tasks. Celebrate the small wins along the way, and remember that progress is progress, no matter how small. Setting realistic goals helps in building confidence and maintains motivation, keeping the journey towards excellence enjoyable and sustainable.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be your own cheerleader, not your harshest critic. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a close friend in your shoes. Self-compassion is about recognizing our worth, irrespective of our achievements or failures. It’s about saying, “Hey, I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”
Learn to Let Go: Perfectionism often stems from a desire to control everything, but the truth is, we can’t control everything. And that’s okay! Learn to let go of the need for control and embrace flexibility. Life’s uncertainties can bring about unexpected opportunities and experiences that we might miss out on if we’re too fixated on a perfect plan.
Prioritize Self-Care: In the hustle and bustle of chasing perfection, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Ensure that you’re getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking time to relax and unwind. As a perfectionist, relaxation might look different for you. If you struggle to be still, embrace active forms of resetting, like cleaning or organizing. When our bodies and minds are well-rested and taken care of, we’re better equipped to tackle challenges and maintain a balanced perspective.
Seek Support: You don’t have to go through this journey alone. Talk about your struggles with friends, family, or a hi, me! Sometimes, just voicing out our thoughts and feelings can provide clarity and help in alleviating the pressure we put on ourselves.
Celebrate Imperfections: Instead of hiding or being ashamed of our imperfections, let’s celebrate them! They make us unique, relatable, and human. Share your real, unfiltered self with the world, and you’ll find that people appreciate authenticity more than perfection.
Managing perfectionism is a continuous journey, and it’s all about finding that sweet spot where we can strive for excellence without sacrificing our well-being. Remember, you are enough, just as you are. So, take a deep breath, give yourself a pat on the back, and step into the world with confidence and grace.
This blog is for you if you've already experienced the beauty of therapy. You’ve long accepted the word “journey” as a vocabulary staple, traversed it’s winding paths, and emerged stronger, wiser, and more attuned to your inner self. If you've found yourself in a place where the growth you once experienced needs new heights, then it's time to introduce you to the next chapter of your self-care journey: depth therapy.
From Tools to Treasures: The Evolution of Your Self-Care
Picture those moments when you connected with your beloved therapist, unraveling layers of your thoughts, emotions, and past experiences – a transformational experience that left you better equipped to navigate life. But now, you sense a call for something more profound. Congratulations! You've transcended the realm of "here are some tools" therapy and entered the enchanting world of "let's unearth hidden treasures" therapy – welcome to depth therapy!
Unveiling the Depths: What is Depth Therapy?
Depth therapy, often referred to as psychodynamic therapy or Jungian analysis, is a voyage into the uncharted territories of your mind. It's about delving beyond the surface to explore the intricate patterns, beliefs, and emotions that shape your thoughts and behaviors. This isn't merely about addressing immediate concerns; depth therapy aims to decode the enigmas of your inner world, unveiling the very roots of your experiences.
Why Depth Therapy Holds the Key for You:
Delving into the Subconscious: Just as holistic self-care acknowledges the significance of knowing your entirety, depth therapy invites you to venture into the subconscious realm. Here, you unearth insights that can ripple through your conscious experiences, relationships, and decisions.
Synthesizing Past and Present: Acknowledging the interwoven threads of your past and present, depth therapy offers a remarkable opportunity to integrate past wounds, memories, and traumas into your current journey of healing and growth.
Revealing Unconscious Patterns: Just as you approach physical imbalances holistically, depth therapy illuminates the hidden psychological patterns that might be hampering your evolution. As light is shed on these patterns, you're empowered to make conscious choices aligned with your true aspirations.
Unveiling Self-Discovery and Wholeness: Holistic self-care celebrates authenticity and the pursuit of wholeness. In this journey, depth therapy becomes your ally, guiding you to forge a connection with the deepest facets of your being, nurturing self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Transformation Through Depth: Depth therapy embodies transformation. Through introspection, it orchestrates profound shifts in how you perceive yourself and the world. This transformative journey harmonizes seamlessly with your aspirations for holistic self-care.
The Path Forward: Embracing the Depths
For those who've navigated diverse therapeutic landscapes, and who now find themselves yearning for a more profound connection with their inner selves, the next chapter beckons – depth therapy. Within its embrace, you'll partake in dialogues with your psyche, uncover archetypal symbols, and navigate the intricate landscapes of your soul.
As your journey of self-discovery continues, contemplate the profound role of depth therapy in your evolution. It's an invitation to embrace the enigma of your inner world, pay homage to your past, and step into a brighter, more authentic version of yourself – a culmination that resonates harmoniously with your aspirations for holistic self-care.
Over the last few years I have noticed an increase in people I work with who are engaging in non-traditional relationships, such as open relationships, consensual non-monogamy, and polyamory. While these types of relationships can be fulfilling and rewarding, they can also present unique challenges and struggles. In this blog, I am going to share some information about some of the common struggles people in non-traditional relationships experience and how therapy can help.
Jealousy and Insecurity
Jealousy and insecurity are common struggles in any relationship, but they can be particularly challenging in non-traditional relationships. People in non-monogamous relationships may experience jealousy and insecurity when their partner is with another person. These feelings can be amplified when partners are new to the concept of consensual non-monogamy or when they feel that their needs are not being met.
Therapy can help individuals in non-traditional relationships learn to identify the root causes of their jealousy and insecurity. Through therapy, clients can explore past traumas and emotional patterns that may be contributing to these feelings. Additionally, therapists can help clients develop communication skills and coping strategies to manage their emotions and work through feelings of jealousy and insecurity.
Communication Breakdowns
Effective communication is essential in any relationship, but it is particularly important in non-traditional relationships where partners may have multiple relationships to manage. Communication breakdowns can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and damaged relationships.
Therapy can help individuals in non-traditional relationships develop effective communication skills. Therapists can teach clients techniques for active listening, assertive communication, and conflict resolution. By improving communication skills, individuals in non-traditional relationships can navigate the complex emotional and sexual dynamics of their relationships more effectively.
Navigating Different Relationship Structures
Non-traditional relationships can take many forms, including polyamory, open relationships, and swinging. Each of these relationship structures has its own unique dynamics and challenges. Partners in non-traditional relationships must navigate these differences while still maintaining healthy relationships.
Therapy can help individuals in non-traditional relationships navigate different relationship structures. Therapists can provide a safe space for clients to explore their needs and desires in a non-judgmental environment. Additionally, therapists can help clients set boundaries and negotiate their relationships in a way that is healthy and fulfilling for everyone involved.
Stigma and Misunderstanding
Despite increasing acceptance of non-traditional relationships, stigma and misunderstanding still exist. Individuals in non-traditional relationships may face discrimination from family members, friends, and even mental health professionals. This can lead to feelings of isolation and shame.
Therapy can provide a supportive environment for individuals in non-traditional relationships to explore their feelings and experiences. Therapists can help clients develop strategies for coping with stigma and misunderstanding. Additionally, therapists can help clients build a support network of individuals who understand and accept their relationship structure.
In conclusion, individuals in non-traditional relationships may experience a range of unique challenges and struggles. Therapy can provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment for clients to explore their feelings and develop effective coping strategies. By improving communication skills, navigating different relationship structures, and managing feelings of jealousy and insecurity, individuals in non-traditional relationships can build healthy and fulfilling connections with their partners.
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So you’ve made the courageous decision to start therapy. There is a good chance that you’ve been considering it for some time now, and are already feeling drained even before beginning your search. Figuring out exactly how to find a therapist, let alone a good one, can feel daunting. Dear reader, allow me to offer you the most comprehensive guide to liaise you in the quest of finding your perfect therapist match.
When you are looking for your perfect therapist there are many factors to consider. Research shows the largest indicator of success in therapy, beyond the therapist’s education level or years of experience, is the relationship you have with your therapist. So unlike when seeking other types of professionals, like a doctor or a lawyer, you can’t just pick the first one you find. For the same reasons, there is no “best” therapist. The best therapist for you is the therapist you feel most connected to and understood by.
So, how exactly do you find a therapist? Let’s get started.
One of the initial decisions you'll need to make is whether to use your health insurance or pay for therapy out of pocket. Both options have advantages and disadvantages.
It pains me to admit this, but in general, you're more likely to receive high-quality therapy if you're able to pay for it. As a therapist, it frustrates me to say this, so hear me out as a briefly rant about my hatred for the American healthcare system:
The system is broken. Insurance companies often reimburse therapists at an unfairly low rate. This means that to make a living in an expensive city like Los Angeles, therapists who accept insurance must work long hours. Providing therapy requires a high level of emotional labor, and working with big emotions all day can be exhausting. To ensure that we can take care of ourselves (yes, therapists are human too!) many of us opt for the private pay route. This allows us to work fewer hours and provide higher quality services that we can feel proud of. There are many caveats to this rule, such as living in cities with lower costs of living, having alternative income streams, etc. But for the most part, if you ask me, when it comes to therapy, you often get what you pay for. This deeply frustrates us therapists as much as it probably frustrates you, but please don't blame us - blame the broken system.
HMO: If you have an HMO plan, the best thing to do is contact your insurance provider directly via phone or through their website to inquire about available providers. Once you have the list of available providers, you can cross reference the information in the blog below to find a therapist that closely matches your needs. It's important to note that you may not be able to find a therapist who meets all of your criteria. I would suggest prioritizing what is most important to you, and being willing to be flexible in order to find someone who is available.
PPO: Having a PPO plan opens up a few more doors under the insurance umbrella. Depending on your policy and out-of-network benefits, you may have the option to see a therapist who does not accept insurance and seek reimbursement from your insurance company. The first step here is to learn more about your specific out-of-network benefits and deductible. Once you have this information, you can follow the steps outlined below for finding a therapist who accepts private pay. When reaching out to potential therapists, be sure to ask if they can provide you with a superbill, which is basically a detailed receipt that you can submit to your insurance company for reimbursement. Keep in mind that you will likely need to meet your deductible for out-of-network providers before your insurance coverage kicks in, and it will be your responsibility to continuously submit superbill claims to your insurance company.
Choosing to pay out of pocket for therapy offers you a wider range of options when it comes to finding a therapist. A quick google search can tell you the average cost of therapy in your area. At the time this blog was published, the average cost of therapy in Los Angeles is about $200/session, with the expectation of meeting every week at an ongoing basis. The length of therapy varies from client to client based on what you are working on, but I find that of my clients who seriously commit to working on their stuff and get the most out of the process come every week for about 6-18 months. A lot of prospective clients will ask if they can come every other week to lessen the cost. While you can do that, I find that isn’t really helpful for meeting your goals. There is usually too much space in between sessions that people spend the time focusing on catching up and don’t have enough time to get into the deep or meaningful stuff. If you are conscious of your budget but still want to pay privately to find your perfect match, I would recommend budgeting for a time where you can solidly dedicate at least 3-6 months, and in that time really take the work seriously.
If the cost of private therapy is unaffordable for you, there are a few options that can make it more accessible.
Sliding scale. Many therapists offer services on what is called a “sliding scale.” This means that they might be willing to negotiate a reduced rate depending on their availability and the client’s circumstance. For example, if you are a teacher or a first responder, or a queer teenager whose parents are unsupportive of therapy, some therapists may be open to adjusting their fees to work with you. Keep in mind that not all therapists offer sliding scales or have availability at the moment, but it never hurts to ask.
Associate level therapists. An associate therapist (ACSW or AMFT) is a therapist who has completed their graduate education and is working on accruing hours towards being a fully licensed therapist, while receiving supervision from a licensed therapist. Because they are still in training, these folks are typically have lower rates and can be more amenable to offering sliding scale options.
Low fee counseling centers. There are many community organizations that will provide low-cost or even free therapy based on your income level. A simple online search will show you available options in your area. These centers often provide therapist training programs for associate-level therapists and graduate trainees. Although your clinician may have less experience, they are likely receiving excellent and rigorous training. However, the downside is that there may be a waitlist to get started, and if your clinician graduates from the training program, you may no longer be able to continue working with them.
Open Path Collective. Open Path is an online database that connects clients with licensed therapists who offer lower fee therapy. Open Path operates on a membership model where clients pay a one-time fee of $59 to become a member, which gives them access to a network of mental health professionals who offer sessions for as low as $30 to $80 per session.
And of course, those highly advertised online mental health platforms… you know, the ones that are advertised on every podcast and football game. I have reservations about these services, and I don’t feel comfortable recommending them wholeheartedly. Many of these platforms underpay their therapists, just like insurance companies do, and have a reputation for selling client information, which has resulted in lawsuits against them. While I do have a couple friends who found great therapists this way, I’ve mostly heard horror stories.
Both in-person and virtual therapy have advantages and disadvantages, and the choice between the two ultimately depends on your specific needs and preferences.
In-Person Therapy offers an experience beyond clinical therapy, allowing you to develop rituals around leaving your typical environment and entering a new space solely for the purpose of focusing on yourself. Building a relationship with your therapist face to face allows for a deeper connection, as you can read their body language, energy, and mannerisms. Additionally, in-person therapy may be a good option if you do not have a safe or private place at home. TLDR: while going in person may be less convenient, there is a sacredness to the experience that cannot be replaced.
Virtual Therapy is a great option for those who have a harder time accessing therapy in person. If you are someone with a busy schedule, time saved on commuting can make therapy much more accessible. Also, depending on where you live, virtual therapy opens up options to see someone who specializes in your specific needs or interests but may not be located nearby. However, virtual therapy can be disrupted by technical difficulties, distractions from family members or pets, and may not provide the same sense of ritual or separation from everyday life as in-person therapy. As someone who both offers and receives therapy virtually, I can recognize that while the experience is different from in-person therapy, it is not inherently less effective or valuable.
If you choose virtual therapy, I suggest finding ways to optimize the experience. I always encourage my clients to minimize their self-view to reduce self-consciousness and focus on being present. I have also found it personally helpful to create a ritual around my own therapy sessions to help signal the transition from everyday life to focusing on yourself, such as journaling or going for a walk, to mimic the ritual you would have had if you were seeing a therapist in person.
As a starting off point, you should ask yourself what you are hoping to work on in therapy. Perhaps you have a clear idea, such as working through an eating disorder, or anger management. Or perhaps you just want someone to talk to, and help you take your life from good to great. If you can be clear about what it is you are seeking, the process of sorting through the thousands of options will be much simpler.
The process of knowing what to look for in a therapist can be confusing, due to the overwhelming amount of options. As I’ve stated previously, the factor that will make therapy most successful is the connection you have with your therapist.
Are there any specific qualities that you find vital when connecting to someone? Some factors to consider are age, race, gender, sexual orientation, or religious affiliation.
Ultimately, a good therapist will meet you where you are and seek to understand you, regardless of any differences. However, it's understandable that people may feel more comfortable with certain types of qualities in their therapist. It's important to be mindful of what matters most to you, while also remaining open-minded to the therapeutic experience. Remember that therapy is a collaborative process, and it's okay to have a dialogue with your therapist about what is and isn't working for you! By working together, you can build a strong and effective therapeutic relationship.
There are a wide variety of professionals who can provide mental health care, but they differ in terms of their qualifications, training, and scope of practice.
A psychiatrist is a medical doctor (MD or DO) or nurse practitioner (PMHNP) who has completed training in psychiatry. Their focus is to diagnose and treat mental illnesses primarily through medications. While some psychiatrists also provide psychotherapy, most focus on medication management, as their training is primarily focused on biological aspects of mental health and prescribing appropriate medications.
A psychotherapist is a more general term and can encompass a range of professionals with varying levels of education and training including including psychologists (PhD or PsyD), licensed clinical social workers (LCSW), licensed professional counselors (LPC), or marriage and family therapists (MFT). Therapists focus on addressing emotional and psychological issues, improving mental well-being, and promoting personal growth.
These roles can overlap to some extent, as there may be psychiatrists who provide therapy and psychologists who have additional training to prescribe medication in some regions. The precise qualifications and scope of practice may vary based on country, state/province, and specific licensing requirements.
TLDR: if you want meds, see a psychiatrist. If you want to talk things out, see a psychotherapist. If you want both, see both. If you don’t know what you need, just start with one (whoever you feel more called to) and talk about your concerns. They will be able to help you understand and decide what type of additional care you need.
When seeking out therapy, most people don’t realize that “therapy” isn’t a one size fits all model. Every therapist has their own personality as well as style in the way they work. Depending which orientation your therapist comes from, you are going to have a very different experience in your therapeutic process. Think about why you are seeking therapy in the first place. Do you have a specific goal you are going to be working on? Do you have an idea for how you want the process to feel? Do you have any idea for the type of personality you might gel with? Most therapists practice from some degree of eclectic assortment, depending on you and your needs, but typically have a primary modality they resonate with. Below are the most common types of therapies you will spot in your search.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This type of therapy focuses on changing negative thoughts and beliefs in order to improve your mood and behavior. CBT focuses on identifying practical tools and strategies to manage and cope with the symptoms of a problem, rather than delving into the root causes of the issue. There are many off-shoots of CBT; a couple more popular styles are dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). I find these approaches to be really effective for folks who are seeking solutions to manage immediate symptoms.
Psychodynamic Therapy: This approach emphasizes exploring unconscious thoughts and feelings to gain insight into how past experiences may be affecting current thoughts and behaviors. This is the type of therapy you want if you are seeking a more profound understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
A few common off-shoots of psychodynamic therapy include classic psychoanalysis (think: Freud), Jungian therapy (EG: Carl Jung), and relational therapy:
Classic psychoanalysis: This is the OG Freudian stuff, where you would meet regularly with your therapist, for an indefinite amount of time, to explore the deep underbelly that is your unconscious mind to understand the hidden conflicts and desires that influence your thoughts and behaviors.
Jungian therapy: Carl Jung was a cool dude. Jungian therapy explores the unconscious aspects of the mind and emphasizes the importance of individuation and self-discovery. It focuses on symbols, dreams, and archetypes to uncover deeper meanings and promote personal growth and integration.
Relational psychotherapy: This approach is all about seeing the relationship between therapist and client as a mirror to help you build insight into your own patterns of behavior and relating to all other relationships in your life. You are noticing what is happening here and now to understand how it relates to your life at large. I tend to resonate with this style.
Trauma Therapy
Ahhh, Trauma. Perhaps the biggest buzz word in the current pop-psychology zeitgeist. The field of trauma has made some major breakthroughs over the last few decades. The current understanding is that trauma can be any major event that leaves a lasting impact on our lives. This includes both Big T and Little t traumas, which can have a significant impact on our physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
When we experience a trauma, our bodies go into a fight/flight/freeze response. This response often causes the trauma to become trapped or stored in our bodies. Trauma has a unique way of sticking to us, making it difficult to release without specialized treatment. Simply talking about past events, as is often done in traditional psychotherapy, may not be enough to effectively address trauma. Instead, healing trauma requires engaging both the body and mind. Fortunately, there are a variety of trauma therapies available today that have been shown to provide positive results.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR involves a series of sessions with a specially trained therapist, during which the client will be asked to recall the traumatic event while simultaneously engaging in a series of rapid eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation, such as tapping or sounds. The theory is that this bilateral stimulation helps the brain to process the traumatic experience and integrate it into the person's memories in a more adaptive way.
Somatic Therapies: Somatic therapy is based on the idea that the body and mind are interconnected, and that emotional experiences can be stored in the body. This type of therapy seeks to build connection between body and mind in order to identify and release trauma that has been stored in the body. Some common somatic therapies are Somatic Experiencing (SE), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, as well as movement based activities like dance or yoga.
Psychedelic Assisted Therapies: Research has long shown promising results for the use of psychedelic-assisted therapy in treating trauma, and is becoming more and more mainstream today. Psilocybin, Ketamine, and MDMA are some of the more common methods used today. If you are seeking out this type of treatment, it is important to find a provider with extensive training in this modality.
Online Directories. Once you’ve figured out all of these details, you can go ahead and find some providers. Other than simply searching the internet, there are a few therapist directories that are pretty great and well-established. The two most well-known and vetted are Psychology Today and Therapy Den. These directories have check boxes that allow you to narrow your criteria based on what this article has covered.
Personal Referrals. if you have any friends that are in therapy with a therapist they love, there’s a good chance you are going to click with that therapist too. If the friend is comfortable with sharing, I always suggest asking for the referral.
Once you have found some viable options, reach out to a handful (2-5) to schedule a consultation. The consultation is typically free, sometimes over phone or zoom, and is usually about 15 minutes or so. The consultation is kind of like a vibe check and an opportunity to ask questions about their style, orientation, sliding scale, scheduling a time to meet, etc. Here are some questions to ask during the consultation:
What is your therapeutic approach or orientation?
What experience and training do you have in treating the specific issue(s) I am seeking help for?
What does a typical therapy session with you look like?
What is your availability and what are your scheduling options?
What are your fees and do you offer a sliding scale or accept insurance?
How long do you anticipate therapy will last for my specific concerns?
How do you collaborate with clients in developing treatment goals and plans?
You don’t need to set up appointments with everyone you consult with. Start with the one person you got the best vibe from, and go from there.
Finding the right therapist is a bit like dating. Sometimes you need to try a couple people out to find the right fit. I suggest starting with one at a time, and if you aren’t feeling a click by the second or third session, on to the next. The way you know you’ve found the right fit is that it should feel pretty easy to have a conversation with them, you feel understood, not judged, like you can show up and open up honestly as your true self. This doesn’t mean therapy is easy. Opening up about the dark and scary parts of ourself is hard work. But with the right therapist you should feel safe and comfortable enough to build a trusting relationship that allows you to open up.
There will inevitably come a time when you are ready to stop going to therapy. In an ideal situation, you’ve found your dream therapist match, and have completed the goals you set out to work on when seeking therapy in the first place. In this ideal, you and your therapist will discuss your termination, come up with a plan on how that’s going to look, you can process the work you’ve done together, and experience a sense of closure for the beautiful relationship and experience you both shared.
Usually after I terminate with a client, they will still come back to therapy off and on. Like if they go through a break up or some sort of life transition, they might come back for a few sessions here and there. So termination doesn’t need to mean its final. Its just wrapping up the package of what you’ve been working on. Some people are scared of this and just stop coming. Honestly, this sucks. Don’t do that to yourself. Give yourself the opportunity for closure. It’s a really meaningful and beautiful process.
There is a difference between going to therapy and truly working on yourself. Just like you can sign up for a gym membership because you made a new years resolution to do so, or you can commit to a healthy lifestyle including taking care of your body. Inevitably you will reach a point in the therapeutic process where you resist going for one reason or another. Just like when you’re in that yoga pose and you want to get out- this could be you reaching your edge. Check in with yourself and be real. What are the forces driving you wanting to quit? Are you really too busy or have you just faced a difficult part of yourself you don’t want to face? Be honest with yourself and open with your therapist. They are trained to help you work with your resistance. This is when the real work happens. If you can push through your edge instead of avoiding, you will experience the kind of freedom within yourself that made you want to seek out therapy in the first place.
It is important to remember that therapy is ultimately about working on yourself and not about pleasing your therapist. Sometimes though, it’s just not the right match, and it’s okay to let go. Here are some ways to know if it’s time to cut ties:
Consistently experiencing negative feelings: If you consistently feel uncomfortable, unsafe, misunderstood, or judged by your therapist, it may be time to reconsider your therapeutic relationship.
Ethical concerns: If you have concerns about your therapist's behavior, such as boundary violations or breaches of confidentiality, it may be time to seek out a new therapist.
Lack of progress or usefulness: If you feel like you are not making progress in therapy or you simply do not find the sessions helpful, it may be time to reevaluate your therapeutic approach.
Feeling stuck or stagnant: If you have been seeing your therapist for a long time and feel like the relationship has become stale or unproductive, it may be time to consider moving on.
If you feel unsure about your progress or have concerns about your therapeutic relationship, it is always encouraged to bring up your concerns with your therapist. Maybe it's something you can work through together, or maybe it's time to move on. Ultimately, your therapeutic relationship should serve your needs, and it is okay to end it when it no longer feels helpful or productive. Remember that therapy is a journey, and sometimes that journey includes finding the right therapist.
At the end of the day, even though finding a therapist can seem like a daunting task, it's important to remember that it's a process that can lead to life-changing benefits. The key is to prioritize your needs and preferences, and to take the time to research and explore your options. Remember that therapy is a collaborative process, and it's okay to try out different therapists until you find one who feels like the right fit. With patience, persistence, and an open mind, you can find the support you need to work through life's challenges and thrive.
Photo by fizkes/iStock/Getty Images
The world is a strange place right now, my friends. This is uncharted territory for all of us.
This uncontrollable virus has spread so rapidly throughout the world, it hardly feels real. I continue to pinch my self, checking to see if this is real life, a strange dream, or if I stumbled on to the set of Black Mirror (you never know these things when you live in LA.)
Just one week ago, I had never even heard of things like “social distancing,” “flattening the curve,” or “N95 respirators.” Now they are as familiar to me as the happy birthday song. I find myself in conversations multiple times a day debating just how much toilet paper and bottled water is an appropriate amount to have stocked up and what actually is the best ratio of aloe vera, rubbing alcohol, and essential oils for home-made hand sanitizer. Even as someone who consistently practices mindfulness, I’ve never been so keenly aware of how many times I touch my face in a single hour or just how long 20 seconds really is.
This is the new normal. Undoubtedly, it is a crazy time to be alive.
There are a million sources on the internet right now that will sell you fear and panic if that’s what you want to buy; however, if you know me, you know that focusing on the panic is not really my vibe. I want to offer a new perspective on how to understand your fear as well as some strategies that will help you make the most of this strange moment in history.
COVID-19 is a dangerous virus with serious public health and economic implications. If you don’t know about it, educate yourself to know the facts of the illness, how it spreads, and what you should do to protect yourself and your community. The World Health Organization and Center for Disease Control are great places to start.
It’s normal to feel afraid right now. There are a lot of unknowns in the world.
Our brains do not like uncertainty because it is inherently stressful. In fact, one study found that “uncertainty is more stressful than predictable negative consequences.” So, when there is an unprecedented virus running amok, in order to feel better, your brain tries to come up with something that does make sense. You might think about all of the terrible things that have ever happened to you, movies you’ve seen, and tales you've heard, creatively combining them to create a new possible outcome, such as “the world is ending and we are all going to die.” Even though “we are all going to die” is scary, it is still easier for your brain to grasp than sitting with the alternative: uncertainty.
It’s important to remember that you can’t believe everything you think.
I know that can be hard to grasp. When you feel scared or anxious, your FEELINGS are real, but the threat your feelings are being caused by may NOT be real.
The first place to start in determining whether your thoughts are worth listening to or not, is to ask yourself if you are experiencing fear or anxiety. With fear, the threat is present and real. Whereas with anxiety, the threat is distant and imagined.
For example, fear sounds like, “I tested positive for COVID-19. I already have a weakened immune system due to an autoimmune disease and I don’t have insurance.” Anxiety sounds like, “I read 75 articles this morning on the spread of COVID-19. We’re all going to die. The world is ending.”
If you are experiencing anxiety due to COVID-19, that is totally normal and understandable. Another major source of anxiety people are experiencing comes from the unusual experience of practicing self-quarantine. Most of us are not used to spending 24 hours a day in our homes. Whether you live alone, with roommates, a significant other, family members, or many, many cats, everyone is getting used to this major lifestyle shift.
In order to combat feelings of anxiety due to COVID-19, I’ve come up with a list of action items within your control that you can productively focus on in order to live a healthy and fulfilling life while in self-quarantine.
Be intentional with how you spend your time. Every time I go on vacation I am always surprised at how slowly time moves. And then, when it’s over, I am equally surprised that I have no idea what I did for the past week or where the time went. Whether we are hunkered down for a couple weeks or a couple months, ask yourself, “how do I want to emerge at the end of this?” I suggest sitting down to meditate or journal for a few minutes, and really checking in with yourself about what you want to gain from this experience. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to learn Spanish or have been meaning to clean out your garage for a while. Or maybe all you truly need right now is to get some good quality sleep. Whatever you chose to do, the key is to be intentional. Set a few goals and make time to work on them every day. I suggest creating a schedule at the start of each week and plugging in tasks that allow you to meet your goals. As they say, a goal without a plan is just a wish.
Modify existing routines. Parts of your life that were once standard procedure have either changed drastically or altogether disappeared. Just like uncertainty, change is inherently stressful. Having healthy routines is vital for maintaining mental health. Instead of completely letting go of your normal routines, make adjustments to them given your current circumstances. For example, if you are used to an hour long commute where you get to listen to music and podcasts, think about taking a walk outside during that time instead. Continue to shower, shave, get dressed, etc. in the morning as you normally would. Maintaining (healthy) routines will help you stay afloat amidst this rapidly changing time.
Move your body! To stay healthy, experts across the board suggest at least 30 minutes of exercise per day. Just because you are stuck at home does not mean you can’t get moving. In fact, you probably need it now more than ever! Gyms might be closed but there are tons of options to exercise while at home. Here is a list of fitness apps that are great for working out at home. Tons of fitness studios, such as Rumble, Orange Theory, 305 Fitness, and Modo Yoga, have all crossed over to online streaming platforms, many of them are free. Most importantly, the great outdoors are alive and well! Local and national parks are remaining open during this time. If weather permits, take a hike in nature, or go for a walk or run outside. (Just remember to stay at least six feet away from strangers!)
Create physical and mental boundaries inside your home. Whether you live in a studio apartment or a big house with a yard, being in the same space (with the same people) for an extended period of time is just not normal and will drive you crazy. I’ve heard a lot of people talking about doing work from their bed in their pajamas. While this reprieve might sound nice and cozy, it is a recipe for internal demise. If you consistently do work from your bed and your couch, your body becomes used to performing those behaviors from those places. So when it comes time to rest, your body will be confused, think it is time to work, and wake itself up. This confusion can impact your sleep cycles, which can lead to anxiety and depression, among other things. Set clear boundaries for where and when you work as well as relax. If you live in a small space, and cannot physically do separate tasks in separate rooms, get creative with physical and energetic markers to denote work and rest. For example, if you do all of your work at the dining room table, clear away your computer and play some relaxing music at the end of the work day to signify an energetic shift.
Have a house meeting. Whether you live with roommates, your significant other, or family members, being in such close contact with each other is a new experience for everyone. You are bound to get on each others nerves. Attack the conflict before it happens by proactively having a house meeting. Discuss how you are all feeling about being home together and set some guidelines for how you plan to peacefully coexist in your shared space for the next several weeks.
Social distancing does not equal social isolation. Even though we are physically isolated, we have the capacity to be more socially and emotionally connected than ever before. The reason this virus was able to spread so vastly is that people all over the world are connected with each other. It might be the first time in history of the universe that the entire human race is working together throughout the world. One of the phrases I have been hearing people say the most is “We are all in this together.” And we really are! Use technology to your advantage. Reach out and connect with your people. Instead of a coffee dates, have a phone date. And instead of happy hour, have a Houseparty!
Reframe negative thoughts. Thinking negatively does not help you. In fact, it makes it harder for you to think creatively and solve problems. Of course this is hard for most people to do in general, and even harder when the state of the world is rather bleak. If you want to have some semblance of happiness during this time, you have no choice but to train your mind to see the silver lining. Personally, I am choosing to see this virus as a gift. Never before has the entire world been forced to slow down. People are at home, spending time with family, roommates, and pets. People are enjoying simple things like having conversations, making food, and playing games. Yes, many people are in fear of being sick or losing work, or have already gotten sick or lost work. But EVERYONE is in this position. Let’s make the most of it. If you want to read more about this subject, check out this article I previously wrote about teaching your brain to think positively.
Have faith. The word faith is defined by “complete trust or confidence in someone or something.” Faith is blind. It is not funded by an organization. It is not written in a book of rules. You may have faith in something that is not scientifically backed or proven. The purpose of faith is to believe in something that you cannot see. It is to let go of the need for certainty, and trust that things will work out exactly as they should. Faith is scary, but it is important. In my work as a therapist, I have always observed that my clients who have faith in something they cannot prove feel better and live more fully in their lives. Having faith allows you to relinquish control and live in the moment. You can experience that feeling through many mediums including prayer, meditation, art, dance, song, etc. Your experience of spirituality is unique to you. So whatever you believe in, whether crystals or Catholicism … now is the time to tap into your faith.
Please know that if you are struggling right now due to stress associated with the COVID-19 virus, you are not alone. I am here to help. I am currently seeing clients remotely through video (Telehealth.) If you need more support during this time, please do not hesitate to reach out to me.
A Psychologist and a Physicist walk into a bar……
The field of Quantum Physics has repeatedly proven everything that exists in this world is made up of energy. From things that are seen, like people, plants, and physical objects, to things that cannot be seen, like air, gravity, and emotions…everything that exists in the universe, at it’s most basic form, is just energy.
Quantum Physics also explains that everything that exists is made up of both particles and waves. If you haven’t taken a science class in a while and need a refresh, not to worry, I researched this concept for about five hours and concluded with the following: particles are tiny little things that make up everything that have physical or chemical properties, like volume, density, or mass, and waves are the movement and vibration of those particles. This means that things like thoughts and emotions carry energetic frequencies. (Or, if you ever loved the Beach Boys, … ~*vibes, man*~ …)
Through studying Quantum Physics (god bless the internet!) this is what I have come to understand: Everything is energy. Emotions are energy. Thoughts are energy. Energy has weight and movement. Emotions and thoughts have weight and movement. As someone who has studied emotions through the lens of psychology my entire life, it is *VERY* exciting to me to examine my most favorite topic in this new light (see what I did there?)
Now that we’ve established emotions are merely energy, lets talk about how this impacts us in our daily lives.
Given that emotions carry vibrational frequencies, it can be understood that different emotions carry different vibrational frequencies. Emotions like joy, love, and creativity carry high vibrational frequencies. Whereas emotions like sadness, shame, and fear carry lower vibrational frequencies. The same goes for particle properties. This concept explains why people who experience depression might describe feeling heavy and slow, as if they are walking through cement. Whereas someone who is elated with love because they have just gotten married describes feeling light and free, as if they are walking on air.
In my freshman year at UConn, I remember learning about a concept my Human Development professor referred to as “like begets like.” This is the idea that as humans we are naturally inclined towards reciprocity. This natural tendency for us to mirror what we see in others explains why when a stranger on the street smiles at you, you can’t help but smile back.
Just as like begets like works with smiling, negativity also generates negativity. However, since the energetic frequency of negative emotion is heavier and slower than that of positive emotion, negative energy seems to feel like it clings to us more. This concept falls in line with the psychological theory of Negativity Bias, or the idea that negativity has a greater psychological impact than neutrality or positivity. Basically, because of science, experiencing negative emotions is like getting stuck in mental quick sand that forces you to attract more and more negative thoughts and emotions. Negativity Bias explains why when you have your annual review at work and your boss tells you 25 things you did that were amazing, and one thing where you have room to improve upon, you focus on the negative. It just weighs more.
Y’all, this is really good information to have. In this thing we call life, there is so much that we simply cannot control. For example, you cannot not feel negative emotions or thoughts. It is simply natural to feel sad, anxious, and angry. You can however, control how you choose to respond to negative energy, and to what extent you allow it to impact your life.
The energetic charge of the emotions you experience on a day to day basis are going to play a large role in dictating the quality of your life. If you want to be happy, or at least happier than you are now, you have to be aware that for most people “being happy” does not come easily and in fact takes a lot of work.
Here are some things you can do in your daily life that will allow you to raise your energetic vibration, attract more positivity, and increase your overall quality of life:
Keep a journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings for 5-10 minutes every day. Start to pay attention to the energetic charge of what you think and feel.
Pay attention to your surroundings. Notice who you spend your time with, where you go, what you read, and who you follow on social media. You are the sum of surroundings. What are you allowing to influence you, and is it in line with the person you want to be?
Practice positive thinking. I know, I know, it’s cheesy. But it really works! Next time you’re upset about something, try playing a game of “I Spy” with yourself to see how many positive aspects you can find about the situation. If you want to learn more, definitely check out this article I wrote a while back!
Practice gratitude. It’s not happy people who are grateful; it’s grateful people who are happy. There is countless research data to back this up. Try making a list every night before you go to bed of five things you were thankful for that day.
Find a CBT (or DBT) focused therapist. Cognitive Behavior Therapy helps you change the way you feel by recognizing and modifying your thoughts. Find someone you trust who will call you out on your negativity and guide you to rewire your mind and enhance your energetic frequency.
I once worked with a young woman in therapy named Lauren* who admitted to me that she had murdered another person while doing time in prison. Lauren grew up in an abusive household and became addicted to drugs as a teenager. At 19, she was arrested and consequently imprisoned for possession of illegal drugs. The only way for her to survive while doing time was to become part of a group that would protect her. In order to gain this protection, she quite literally had to kill or be killed. During the time I spent with Lauren I knew her to be a funny, thoughtful, and kind person. She didn’t start trouble and was incredibly sweet and compassionate to her friends.
It took her a few tries, but Lauren eventually got clean and sober. She got a job, then sought and was granted guardianship of her younger siblings, so they wouldn’t have to endure the same abuse she did. She has organized a yearly memorial service for the past five years for her friend who died due to overdose, even though she only knew the friend for a few months while in rehab. Lauren now rescues Pit Bulls and helps to train them and re-home them, because she believes they are misunderstood animals that just need some love and a second chance.
I ask you, what is the worst thing you’ve ever done? You most likely have never killed another person. But maybe you cheated on the person you love the most. Or perhaps you had a shoplifting habit back in middle school. Or maybe you were just semi-involved in spreading an unpleasant rumor about someone you know.
In the book Tattoo’s On The Heart, Father Greg Boyle says, “You are so much more than the worst thing you’ve ever done.”
Isn’t that true in your life? There is not one person on this earth who does not know what it feels like to carry the weight of shame or regret. These are natural human emotions that we all experience because no one is perfect. Yet, we place unrealistic expectations onto others to never mess up in a big way, knowing that we ourselves aren’t remotely capable of the same standards. Where is the sense in this?
This idea applies beyond people like Lauren. Look at any media source today, both Right and Left political parties are guilty of generalizing the opposing sides representatives to be either all-good or all-bad. No mistake is ever forgiven.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that people who commit crimes don’t deserve to be punished. By all means, people should be held responsible for their actions. However, what I am suggesting, is that we can do this while also acknowledging that a person is more than the worst thing they’ve ever done.
We live in a world today that has been conditioned to think in terms of absolutes.
Good OR bad. Right OR wrong. Always OR never. This way of thinking, also called “dichotomous thinking,” is not only unrealistic, it is also incredibly harmful.
I use the word “harmful” because in real life, things are not only black or white…rather, there are endless shades of grey. So when we limit ourselves to only accepting two possible outcomes in any given situation, whether that be in politics or personal relationships, we destroy the possibility of authentically connecting with others.
Even though we can intellectually acknowledge that dichotomous thinking holds us back more than it springs us forward, we continue to do it because it’s easier than the alternative. Cognitive dissonance is the name for the icky feeling we get when we have opposing views, beliefs, or values. As people, we loathe this feeling so much that we come up with rationalizations to trick ourselves into believing whatever makes us feel more comfortable.
For example, it’s a lot easier to decide that Lauren is either a good person who was put in a bad situation, or a horrible criminal, rather than acknowledging Lauren is capable of both crime and compassion.
The reason this is so challenging for us is because as humans, we can’t help but to see ourselves in others. So to acknowledge Lauren as both good and bad means that we are confronted with acknowledging that we also possess both of these things. Essentially, it is easier and more comfortable for us to put other people in dichotomous boxes because it allows us to ignore confronting our own inner darknesses.
Just because we may ignore the parts of ourselves that make us feel icky, does not mean they cease to exist. So when we divorce ourselves from the painful parts of our past, we increase the feelings of shame we have toward ourselves. Brene Brown says “shame breeds… fear, blame and disconnection.” This means that in order for us to move forward and become a more connected and compassionate society, we need to start by embracing our own feelings of shame and discomfort, which comes from not rejecting, but actually owning, the worst things we’ve ever done.
When we open ourselves up to owning our shame, we gain the opportunity to let go of fear, judgement, and cruelty in replace of of curiosity, forgiveness, kindness, acceptance, and compassion - both with ourselves and with others.
Here is my challenge for you: Disconnect yourself from the cage that has been placed in your mind by pushing yourself to be uncomfortable and tolerate the shades of grey in your personal life. Maybe that means acknowledging that your ex-boyfriend was both cruel and kind, or your parents both provided for you and failed to meet some of your needs, or maybe just that the guy who cut you off on the freeway this morning is more than an unskilled driver.
When we can be the change, and not only recognize that two opposing things can and do exist at the same time, but EXPERIENCE it first hand, we can each play an active role in creating a more compassionate, and tolerant world around us.
We often feel out of control in our lives it is because we feel like life is happening to us, not for us. If you would like to gain greater control and find meaning in your life, please reach out to me. I am here to help. For more information or to book an appointment, please call 203-273-5950 or email me at amanda@amandajablon.com.
Amanda Jablon, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Los Angeles. She works with a wide variety of clients, but specializes in the special needs of millennials and in individuals who need help moving beyond the past.
Teens and screens are a duo today that go together like Spongebob and Patrick, chips and salsa, or Ariana and Pete. According to a recent Pew study, 95% of teens own a smart device. About half of those teens reported they are on the their phones constantly, while the other half say they check their phones several times a day. Even more astonishing, these statistics are impartial to race, gender, ethnicity, and socioeconomic background.
For most adults, this information, though not surprising, is hard to swallow. None of us grew up this way. Anyone who is old enough to rent a car remembers what it was like to call your friend on their parents landline and ask permission to speak with said friend. Albeit, we probably would have much rather had an instant chauffeur named Uber than waiting hours for a ride from mom to the mall… but that was the way things were.
But maybe we limit ourselves by believing only in what we “know.”
I remember my parents telling my brother to get off his Nintendo and go play outside, because the screen “wasn’t good for him.” Ironically, many of my peers who were influenced by computers and video games are now successful app designers and web developers. Aren’t teens and screens just the updated version of this?
This is not to say there are not drawbacks of technology. There are many obvious links to negative experiences for teens like depression, anxiety, poor body image, loneliness, and poor sleep. As a psychotherapist, the negative effects from social media on mental health are my number one priority. However in doing research, I realized teens don’t think social media is as bad for them as we do.
According to Pew, 31% of teens view social media as having a mainly positive effect on their lives due to increased connection, entertainment, self-expression, and information. However, they are not blind to admitting there are drawbacks. 24% report experiencing a mostly negative perspective of social media, mainly because of bullying and other harmful effects on social relationships. Still, the majority of teens, 45% see social media as neither positive nor negative.
What I realized is this: to teenagers today, social media is just a normal part of their lives. Just like going to punk shows, wearing acid washed jeans, or Farah Faucet hair was for their parents.
I am not suggesting that constant screen time is healthy for teens. What I am suggesting, however, is that teens and phones have a unique relationship; one that as adults, we are on the outside of. Just because most of us adults are also glued to our phones doesn’t mean we understand teen screen culture. Adults quite simply are of a different time. We all know intellectually that today’s teens are the future. But what does that mean? It means they are going to be able to use technology to do things for us and the world that we cannot even begin to imagine. I think this is important to acknowledge.
While it is significant to validate the value technology has on our teens lives and not discount the usefulness it brings to them, as adults, it is our responsibility to moderate their use in a way that keeps them healthy.
Based on my research as well as first hand experience as a person who analyzes the teenage psyche for a living, here are some of my suggestions:
Start with YOURSELF.
The very best way you can insure your child has a healthy relationship with social media is by modeling it. The whole “do as I say, not as I do” thing isn’t going to fly here. Your kids are watching your every move for cues about what they should and shouldn’t do.
Start by simply being aware of how much you use your phone, especially when you’re around your teens. Do you have conversations with them while simultaneously responding to emails? Do you text while you’re driving them around? Do you take important work calls while at the dinner table? If you answered yes to these questions, you’re definitely not alone, but maybe it’s time to reassess the kind of message you are sending.
An easy way to stop old, bad behaviors is by replacing them with new, healthier behaviors. Establish technology-free zones in your house that apply to everyone, including parents, like no phones in the bathroom, in the bedroom after 10PM, or at the dinner table. Create family rituals everyone can share in, like weekly family dinners or a game night. Warning: your kids will 100% resist and call it dumb. Hold the line, and eventually they will cave and enjoy. Who doesn’t love a family game of Heads Up?
Identity what you determine to be healthy, appropriate, and realistic rules around technology in your home as a family. Set limits and enforce them, but don’t go overboard. If your kid is a good student, responsible, and respectful, and says they prefer to study with their phone, there is no need to not allow them to study with their phone. Technology isn’t going away, so placing extreme limits on your child (unless warranted) probably isn’t going to be helpful for anyone.
Make Technology Relationships A Household Conversation.
I like to think of technology as a relationship, just like the relationship you have with friends, food, school, work, alcohol, etc. Start conversations with your family about the type of relationship you each have with technology. Do your kids find their relationship with their phone to be healthy or abusive? Ask open ended questions about what they do with their phones, just like you’d ask them about their relationships with friends.
A study conducted by Common Sense showed that their is a big discrepancy between what teens and parents think they know about phone use. In general, teens are more honest than parents give them credit for, and parents are more sneaky than teens realize.
Get real with your kids about what they do when they are on their phones. Learn about their preferences and habits. Pew revealed that teens mostly use Snapchat and YouTube, followed by instagram, facebook, twitter, and Tumblr. A lot of parents are friends with their kids on facebook, but does that even matter? Take some time to learn about these other platforms. However, I do advise against friending your kids on Snapchat, because if you invade their personal space they might *literally die*.
Trust. Trust. Trust.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned from being a therapist is that kids show respect to their parents when they feel respected by their parents. Same goes for trust. If you and your teen have a relationship chock full of mutual trust and respect, that is enough. Without due cause, snooping through their phones can do more harm than good. It is equivalent to reading their diary.
Cue the “when I was your age…” bells. When you were growing up, if your parents said be home by dinner, that was it. You saw them at dinner. No check in texts, no GPS tracking, no FaceTiming to make sure you were where you said you were. Technology can be an amazing tool, but it can easily turn you into a helicopter parent.
Now might be the time your automatic fear response is kicking in and your brain is trying to tell you that you only hover because you want to keep your kids safe. OF COURSE you want to keep your kids safe- you love them and care about them more than anything. But, I’m challenging you to ask yourself if maybe, justttt maybe, you overdo it a little. It is important to allow you and your kids opportunities for building authentic trust and connection without relying on the crutch of technology.
Strive For More Balance, IRL.
Just because technology isn’t going anywhere doesn’t mean it provides teens with all they need. Far from it.
Apple recently added a feature that allows you to see how you spend your time on your phone. Sit down with your kids and calculate how many hours you each spend mindlessly scrolling through apps. If you are scrolling for five hours, that is 30% of your waking life, and that is a pretty modest number. Have a conversation about screen/life balance as a family.
Have your teen reflect on how the time they spend on their phone impacts them. Do they feel like they have ever gained anything from scrolling on Instagram for two hours? If they are a photographer, then maybe! If they only follow meme accounts, then probably not.
Help your kids add balance to their lives by giving them new opportunities for gaining connection and social skills outside of their phone. The best way to get your kids involved in real life activities is by pursuing things they already find interesting. Have your teen identify all the things that make them happy. Then have them create a pie chart to reflect how much time they spend participating in said activities. The more you do what you love, the happier you will be.
And for good measure, LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Because this stuff only works, if YOU work it.
We often feel out of control in our lives it is because we feel like life is happening to us, not for us. If you would like to gain greater control and find meaning in your life, please reach out to me. I am here to help. For more information or to book an appointment, please call 203-273-5950 or email me at amanda@amandajablon.com.
Amanda Jablon, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Los Angeles. She works with a wide variety of clients, but specializes in the special needs of millennials and in individuals who need help moving beyond the past.